Unfaithful
by peski0piksi
Summary: What happened after The Kiss? This is my own version. Not likely to happen, but lots of fun to write. Warning: There is some rather harsh language used towards the middle.


When he left her there, standing alone in the parking lot, Pam thought she had never felt so desolate in her entire life. He was crying—she had made Jim cry. She could barely breathe past the lump in her throat.

Why? Why had he done this? Why _now_ after all of this time? Everything was ruined.

She felt faint. She need to sit down somewhere to think. She needed privacy—she needed to figure out why this hurt so badly.

Partially blinded by tears, she made her way up to the office. The room was dark—lit only by a lamp and the blue glow of the computer screens. Pam started to sit down on the couch, but something caught her eye and she walked over to Jim's desk instead.

She picked up the framed picture sitting there and found herself once again looking at Jim's face. This image was a world away from the one that she had seen in the parking lot—in it Jim was smiling and happy as he held his small niece in his arms. His bright eyes seemed to pierce into her soul.

Unconsciously, she reached out to touch his face, but found only cold hard glass.

They could never go back.

A gasping sob escaped from her mouth, but then she silenced herself quickly. She shouldn't be feeling this way. She was engaged to Roy—she was getting married in only a few short weeks. She had no right.

She put the picture back into its spot, and reached for the phone. She meant to dial home, to have Roy come back to pick her up. After all, there was no way she could ask Jim for a ride now.

Instead, though, she found herself dialing her parents' house. Her mom picked up after only two rings.

"Hello?"

Pam took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She turned to sit against the desk.

"Mom?" Her voice was way too shaky—she fought for control. "It's me."

"Pam? Honey, what's wrong?"

"Um...I need to talk to you about something."

"What's happened? Are you okay? Is it Roy? Is he hurt?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. Actually...it's Jim."

"Oh."

"Mom, I don't know what to do."

"Pam, sweetie. It's okay. Did something happen?"

"Um, yeah. He..uh...we were at this casino night thing I told you about, you know, and he asked if he could talk to me and...Mom, he told me he was in love with me."

Her mother's loud gasp came clearly over the line.

"Oh my god, Pam."

"I know."

"When did this happen?"

"About ten minutes ago."

"Did you say anything back?"

"No, I didn't know what to say."

"The wedding..."

"Yes, I know."

"Pam, do you have feelings for him?"

"Um, I don't know, Mom. He's my best friend."

"You talk about him a lot, sweetie. You two really seem to get along."

"Yeah, he's great."

"Pammy, are you in love with him?"

The bluntness of the question hit Pam hard, and without thinking, she blurted out the first answer that came to her.

"Yeah, I think I am."

Before either of them had time to absorb the ramifications of what she had just said, Jim walked around the corner.

Shocked, her heart pounding in her chest, Pam quickly told her mother she had to go. She was embarrassed to be caught sitting at his desk, discussing what had just happened. He must have heard at least some of her side of the conversation.

She turned to see him walking steadily towards her, his hands in his pockets and his head bowed.

"Listen, Jim..." She didn't know what she was going to say next, only that she had to say something. But Jim never gave her a chance.

Before she could react, he had wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her gently. All conscious thought flew away and she returned his embrace, moving her hands up into his hair. He pulled her closer, and she sank into the kiss...into him. She wanted to stay there forever.

But then a tiny voice from deep inside made her finally pull away.

Now they could only stare at each other, wondering what exactly had just happened. After a few moments, Pam could no longer bear the intensity of his gaze. She averted her face and took a few steps away, her hand over her mouth.

Still, neither of them spoke. Jim was waiting.

She had to speak. She had to.

But it was too much. Too much! She couldn't handle this—it was too hard.

It was too hard, and so she said what she knew was the right thing to say, and not what was in her heart.

"I'm sorry, Jim."

"Pam, no..." His voice was pleading.

"I shouldn't have..."

"But you did. You kissed me back. You know you did. You wouldn't have done that unless..."

"It was a mistake,"she interrupted, her voice cold and hard. Feeling frozen inside, she turned to look at him. "I'm engaged. I love Roy...I'm going to marry Roy."

Jim looked as though she had punched him in the gut. He took a step backwards and shook his head disbelievingly.

Pam couldn't bear it anymore.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again, and fled from the room before he could see her tears.

&&&&&&&

Twenty minutes later Ryan dropped her off at her house. Thankfully Kelly had come along as well, filling the car with her usual inane chatter, so there was no need for Pam to try to make casual conversation. She did catch Ryan looking at her suspiciously in the rear-view mirror a few times, but she hardly cared if he knew something was up. Her mind was numb and all she wanted was to be home so she could go to sleep and forget this horrible night.

She let herself in the front door and went immediately to the bedroom. Roy was there, stretched out on the bed watching TV.

"Hey, babe. You're home earlier than I expected," he said.

"I was tired," Pam said, and walked over to the dresser. She took off her earrings and placed them in the tray sitting there. She stared blankly at her reflection.

"Halpert bring you home?"

She bowed her head and slipped off her shoes.

"No," she answered. "I caught a ride with Ryan and Kelly."

She heard Roy get up off the bed and walk over to her. She looked up again to see him smiling at her in the mirror. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and nuzzled her neck.

"You want to fool around?" he murmured.

Pam closed her eyes. Took a deep breath.

Then she turned around and kissed Roy the way she knew he liked. His hands wandered everywhere...she forced herself to keep kissing him. She waited for it to feel right.

The feeling never came.

Her eyes flew open. She pushed against him.

"Roy, stop!"

"Oh, come on, Pam," Roy wheedled, reaching for her again. "You can't tease me that way..."

"No, I mean it. Stop. I can't do this. STOP!"

This time she pushed herself away with such force she almost fell. That plus her shout finally seemed to clue Roy in that something was seriously wrong. They stood there, panting, staring at each other.

"Pam, what is it?"

"Oh, god, Roy," Pam was gasping for air. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, but I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what?"

"This. Any of this."

Roy looked scared now, and it broke her heart.

"Pam, please. What are you talking ab..."

"I don't love you anymore. Not like that."

She was sobbing now. Roy stood silent, his face pale as death.

After a moment, he asked quietly, "Is there someone else? Halpert?"

Ten years. They had spent ten years together. He deserved the truth. Pam closed her eyes and nodded, still trying to breathe.

Another beat of silence, then, low and dangerous, "You bitch."

Pam opened her eyes. "Roy, I swear...nothing ever happened. I never cheated..."

"_Like hell you didn't!_" he yelled. She took a step back, cringing.

"Roy, no, I swear..."

"You may not have acted on it, but in your heart you cheated. You cheated _every single fucking day_!" he went on. "Did you think I didn't notice? Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No, Roy...no..."

"I thought I could trust you, Pam. _I thought I could trust you_!"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Roy opened his mouth to speak, and then snapped it shut. He backed away, obviously trying to get control again. He shook his head.

"Fuck this. And fuck you, Pam."

He went to the closet and grabbed his boots, then walked to the door. He turned to look at her one last time.

"I'm going out. Don't be here when I get back."

And with that he was gone. A few moments later Pam heard the slam of the front door, then the roar of his truck. She sank down on the bed, and looked around the room. So much time...so many memories.

It was over.

It took her a few moments to realize that the main emotion she felt was relief. She knew now that she had stayed here for far too long, and had only barely escaped staying here forever. She would miss many things, but she didn't think she would ever regret this decision. A weight had been lifted.

She gave herself a few minutes to collect herself, then she started to pack.

&&&&&&&&&

At first, she considered going to her parents' house, but that was two hours away and she already felt so tired she could barely think. Besides, she didn't want to wait any longer to start the rest of her life.

It was nearing midnight when she finally walked up to Jim's front door, and she was relieved to see through the living room window that his roommate Mark was still up, watching television. She tapped lightly on the door, and a few moments later Mark answered.

"Hey," he said, obviously surprised to see her standing there. "You're Pam, right?"

"Yeah, hi," she said nervously. "Um, is Jim in?"

"He's here. He's in his room. I think he's asleep..." Mark seemed unsure.

"Please, I need to talk to him. It's important."

Mark nodded. "Okay. Why don't you go on up...his door's the first one on the right."

Pam didn't need to be told this, but she smiled and nodded. "Thanks."

She made her way upstairs slowly and stood nervously in front of his door. She lifted her hand to knock, but at the last moment changed her mind. Instead, she reached for the knob and quietly pushed open the door.

The room was dim, lit only by a small desk lamp which was partially blocked by a large cardboard box. Jim was stretched out on his back on the bed, still fully clothed except for his shoes, fast asleep. He hadn't even bothered to climb under the covers.

For a moment, Pam just stood there staring. Her heart was full of regret. How could she have ever even considered turning this away? Why had she wasted so much time?

Finally, she closed the door quietly behind her and slipped out of her shoes. She hadn't changed out of her party dress, and in her nervousness she had forgotten her overnight bag in the car. It didn't really matter, though.

She pulled the other half of the comforter over Jim so that he was wrapped in a cocoon. Then she flipped off the light, walked around to the other side of the bed, lifted the blankets, and slid carefully between the cool sheets. She lay there in the darkness, wrapped in his scent, hearing him breathing softly beside her.

She was utterly content.

A few minutes later, she drifted into sleep.

&&&&&&&&

The sound of his alarm pulled Jim up out of his sleep. He resisted for as long as he could---he wanted to stay safe in his dreams. But the buzzing was persistent, and Jim finally fumbled for the snooze button.

He rubbed his eyes and peered at the clock. Seven o'clock. He groaned. Then everything that had happened the night before came back in a rush. It hit him afresh, and he cringed from the pain.

Against his will, his thoughts flew to Pam. The stony look in her eyes as she told him she was going to marry Roy. That she loved Roy. He knew it was a lie, but it didn't matter. He had lost her forever.

He had come home last night, furious and hurt and consumed with regret. In a desperate effort to numb the pain, he had started to pack up his room, now determined to go to Stamford and leave Scranton and Pam behind him forever. He had gotten halfway through the contents of his desk before he realized this method of therapy wasn't working, and instead he had fallen onto his bed, desperate to escape into sleep. He hadn't even bothered to take off his clothes.

Worn out by his tumultuous emotions, it hadn't taken him long to fall into a deep sleep.

There was no way he was going to work today. In fact, he thought he just might stay in bed for the rest of the day.

He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the comforter tighter, trying to go back under. It wasn't working.

It was only then that he noticed the sound of someone breathing beside him.

He carefully turned over to behold Pam lying beside him, curled up under the covers, fast asleep. He sucked in his breath.

For what seemed like an eternity he lay there frozen, afraid to move or speak lest he wake himself up to discover it was only a dream. She couldn't really be here, could she? This couldn't possibly be real.

Then he reached out and gently brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face. She was real.

She stirred at his touch, her eyes blinking open. She smiled softly when she saw him.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hey," he said in wonder.

"Is this okay?"

"This is perfect."

She smiled again, then grew serious. "Jim, I'm so sorry..."

"Don't," he cut her off. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do, though..."

"None of it matters anymore. You're here with me now, right?"

"Yes, I'm with you now, if you still want me."

"You know I do."

Pam was smiling again, and Jim thought his heart would burst with happiness. He still needed to know one thing, though.

"What happened, Pam? What changed your mind?"

Pam sighed. "I was wrong to think...somehow, what happened between you and me last night switched things around for me without my realizing it at first. When I went home to Roy and he touched me it felt like I was being unfaithful to you instead of the other way around. That's when I knew."

"How did Roy take it?"

She shrugged. "Not well."

Jim reflected that he might do well to watch his back over the next few days, but then dismissed the thought from his mind. If taking a beating was the price of being with Pam, it was worth it.

"Jim?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you kiss me again?"

Jim was ashamed of himself that she had to ask.

&&&&&&&&&&

As it turned out, Jim did end up spending the rest of the day in bed. Quite happily, in fact. And when he finally got out, Pam came with him.


End file.
